I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
