Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
