I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
