Say something about gay babies.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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