i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
