every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
