Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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