I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
