My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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