do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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