sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
