puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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