so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
