I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize