I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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