I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
