He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
