It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
