She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
