dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
