..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
