I don't think brook has ever known best
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
