I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
