it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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