Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
