nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
