I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
