Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
