Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
