i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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