the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
