I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
