I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
