I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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