In the future we'll all be gay
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
