Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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