Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
