So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
