He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
