Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
