I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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