if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
