He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
