I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
