she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
