my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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