last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
