Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
