I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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