Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
