There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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