Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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