So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
