omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
