Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
