Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
