I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
