he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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