false alarm. still invincible.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
