I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize