haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's blow job season.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
