i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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