Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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