if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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