I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
