i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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