You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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