Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
