What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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