he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize