Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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