you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
