the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
