He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize