Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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